


Like Air, I'll Rise

by gwyllgi



Series: Herc/Raleigh Bingo Challenge [1]
Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Grief/Mourning, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-23
Updated: 2014-03-23
Packaged: 2018-01-16 12:09:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1346917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gwyllgi/pseuds/gwyllgi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Operation Pitfall leaves its mark in many ways.  Some look to the past, others to the future.  Somewhere in the middle, they meet.  <i>There had been a moment, however brief, when Raleigh had thought he and Herc had shared something.</i></p>
<p>Written for the Herc/Raleigh Bingo Challenge prompt: Pitfall Day</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bingo Card

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from a Maya Angelou poem, _Still I Rise_. (It bears no other connection; I just like that phrase.)
> 
> For lack of anywhere better to put it, the first chapter is my bingo card. Click on through to chapter 2 for the fic.


	2. Like Air, I'll Rise

There had been a moment, however brief, when Raleigh had thought he and Herc had shared something. Herc, battered and broken but unbowed, had smiled and offered his good hand, and Raleigh had taken it, gripped it like a lifeline in the chaos that was leading to the end. The tumult in his mind was intense, so much so that Raleigh had to look away from Herc's piercing gaze, finding Chuck in the crowd and trading acknowledgments, recognition from one soldier to another.

It had been both a relief and a disappointment when the Marshal had found them, breaking through Raleigh's confliction with congratulations and admonitions.

Raleigh might have wished fleetingly that he and Herc had had more time before they were strapped into the Conn-pod, but Operation Pitfall—and the Drift—left no room for frivolity, no time for second thoughts or regrets. It wasn't until after the reactor core manual override was completed and he was being lifted into the escape pod that he let his mind wander again to that handshake, that aborted _moment_. He had few regrets, truly—to lay at Herc's feet what was barely a nebulous thought would have been foolish—but now, with the future stretching before them, there was time to see what things could become.

His confession to Mako had been true enough: it wasn't until the end of everything that he began thinking about the future. As unconsciousness claimed him, he made himself a promise: he was going to live again, to find out what that future held.

* * *

Mako held his hand the entire flight back to the 'dome. Raleigh had gripped it as tightly as he had Herc's—only hours ago, though it seemed a lifetime—and leaned his head against hers, propped on his shoulder. They were wet through, cold and exhausted, but those were all temporary conditions, easily remedied with the proper facilities. Raleigh looked forward to a hot shower and a week's sleep, even as he knew that neither he nor Mako would be so lucky; at the very least, they faced a debriefing and medical evaluations.

It seemed that the entire 'dome staff was waiting for them on the helipad. They'd barely debarked before they were swarmed, the assembly crowding them for handshakes and fist bumps and back slaps. Raleigh took it with good grace as Mako, refusing to relinquish his hand, did the same, but it was nevertheless a relief when a familiar voice once again rose above the crowd, calling his name.

"Herc," Raleigh said as the throng parted, allowing him a clear view. If there was a droop to his shoulders, Raleigh doubted more than a few noticed it, but it hit him like a slap: here was a man who had been left behind, who had sent his son to die without him in his place at his side. "Herc," he said again, and then he was moving, tugging Mako with him until Herc was in front of them. "I'm sorry we couldn't—"

"Not now, Raleigh." Herc swallowed, Adam's apple bobbing erratically as he stared at the ground. "Maybe never," he murmured, before his eyes found Raleigh's. "Thanks are in order, and congratulations. We all owe you our lives."

"No," Raleigh began, but Mako squeezed his hand tightly, cutting off his protest as he turned to look at her. Her eyes were defiant through the film of threatening tears, and Raleigh blinked, then turned back to Herc. "You don't owe us anything," he amended. "We're a team, aren't we? We couldn't have done it alone."

Herc swallowed thickly again and Raleigh reached out, not knowing what to do but not wanting to see Herc—Herc who'd seen so much, done so much, lost so much—falling apart. He caught Herc's hand, folding his fingers around Herc's as though that simple contact could hold him together. "We're all in this together."

It was the wrong thing to say—Raleigh could see that as soon as the words left his mouth, but he was helpless to pull them back, even as he wished he could stuff them back under his tongue. "Herc, I—"

"You should report to medical," Herc interrupted, pulling his hand from Raleigh's and turning on his heel. "We'll debrief you in the morning."

Raleigh watched helplessly as Herc walked away, very nearly following him, only to be brought up short when Mako tugged at his hand.

"Give him time, Raleigh." Her eyes tracked Herc's receding form too, but she seemed to have no inclination to follow. "Let him… let him find his peace."

"I should apologize," Raleigh protested, but drew up short when Mako shook her head.

"Would you have wanted to hear it after Yancy died?" She glanced up at him, then turned to face him fully and caught his other hand. "You can tell him later. We have time now."

"Yeah. Yeah, we do." Raleigh glanced once more at where Herc had disappeared into the 'dome, then offered Mako a smile. "So, medical. After that…" He glanced at the people still surrounding them, though at a respectful distance now. "I think there's going to be a hell of a party."

* * *

In the end, Raleigh missed the party—the first one, at least. The medical team had kept him overnight for observation, which he'd expected. What he hadn't expected was waking up to find that it had been over a day that he'd slept, exhaustion and relief undertows keeping him beneath the surface of slumber. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt as rested—before Yancy died, certainly—but the inactivity nagged at him.

A smiling doctor handled his discharge, sending him on his way with a warning to take it easy that they both knew was strictly a formality. He'd exchanged his gown for his standard-issue sweater and pants, brought by Mako he was told, and escaped the makeshift medical ward.

He'd intended to—well, he didn't know what he'd intended. The thought of his quarters was unappealing, so he'd thought to find Mako, to thank her for leaving the clothes at the very least. Instead, he found his feet leading him to Herc's quarters. He didn't even know if Herc still occupied them, or if he'd taken over the Marshal's quarters, but it was a place to start.

Outside the heavy metal door, he paused with his hand raised to knock, nerves abruptly twisting his stomach. Herc had been upset the last time they'd spoken. Was it too soon for Raleigh to be bothering him, laying down unwanted apologies and expectations? He inhaled, sighed heavily, and turned to go just as the door swung open to reveal Herc, who met Raleigh's eyes with a surprised look.

Herc was the first to break the silence. "You're awake," he said, then frowned. "You had us worried." He stepped out of the room, crowding into Raleigh's personal space when Raleigh failed to step back, and shut the door behind him. "What can I do for you?"

"Do you need anything?" It wasn't what he'd meant to say, but the words were past his lips before he could consider them. He'd surprised Herc again with them, too, judging by his expression. "I mean, it's a lot to take in and all. I want to help you."

Herc's small smile was unexpected. "Raleigh, don't you think you've done enough?" He shook his head and rubbed the back of his neck, eyes flickering to a side. "There's nothing you can help me with."

"Herc," Raleigh began, only to change tack at the warning look in Herc's eyes. "I still need to be debriefed, sir."

"Tell you what, Raleigh: let's hit the mess. Once you've got some food in you, we'll think about debriefings." Herc clapped a hand to Raleigh's shoulder as he slid past him, the press of his body fleeting as Raleigh stood rooted to the spot. "I don't know about you, but I could eat a horse and chase the jockey."

"I could eat." Raleigh turned to follow Herc as he made his way down the hallway, quickening his pace until they fell into step. They continued in a comfortable silence, shoulders occasionally brushing as they walked, until they reached the mess.

The silence continued well into their meal, until Raleigh set down his fork and propped his cheek in his hand, gazing steadily at Herc. Herc shot him a glance, one eyebrow quirked as he paused with his fork halfway to his mouth. "What's up, Raleigh?"

"Just thinking." Raleigh chuckled when Herc's second eyebrow joined the first, wrinkling his brow. "About the future, you know? I didn't care about it for a long time." He picked up his fork again, stabbing at the last few bites of meat left on his plate. "I was ready to die up on that wall. Without Yancy… Well." He grinned, crooked and wry. "I didn't think I had anything left."

"Raleigh," Herc said, but Raleigh kept going as though Herc had never interrupted.

"I'll always miss Yancy. Always. But I can't give up again. We have a future now, and Yance wouldn't have wanted me to live like I was dead, too—I know that now." Scrubbing a hand over the back of his neck, Raleigh sighed. "I guess what I'm trying to say is… there are people who want to be there for you. Don't forget about us, OK?"

"Why do you care, Raleigh?" Despite the harsh words, Herc looked more confused than angry, brows lowered now.

Raleigh caught Herc's good hand, squeezing his fingers. "I forgot that there were other people who'd miss Yancy. Who'd miss me. I don't want you to forget, too."

Herc laughed, the sound sharp and shaky. "Of course. I'm the Marshal of the goddamned PPDC. Someone would notice if they had to fill the position."

"That's bullshit." Raleigh's fingers clenched around Herc's. "Fuck the PPDC," he snarled, then shook himself, exhaling heavily. "You have friends, Herc. Even if you won't let me… what about Tendo? Mako? You can't make me believe you didn't know every member of Striker's crew by name. You think they only care because you're the Marshal?"

Herc tugged his hand from Raleigh's and held it up, exhaustion weighing his face as he sighed. "Fine, you've made your point. I'll consider it. Can we just drop it now?"

"Yes, sir." Raleigh leaned over to bump his shoulder against Herc's. "Just… I'm here, you know? If you ever want someone. To listen. Or whatever."

"I know, Raleigh." Was Raleigh imagining it, or did Herc do a little leaning of his own? "Finish up here and we can get back to my office."

"Yes, sir," Raleigh said again, and if he was smiling a little, well, no one else had to know why.

* * *

In the end, the debriefing was uneventful, although Raleigh knew he'd be revisiting the Anteverse in his nightmares soon enough. Afterward, Herc had seemed to be in no rush to kick Raleigh out, instead leaning back in his chair, resting his good hand on his belly, and eyeing Raleigh thoughtfully. Raleigh met his gaze, eventually tilting his head when Herc made no move to speak.

"Something on my face?"

"You know, Chuck used to have posters of you and your brother. Plastered them all over his walls wherever I was stationed." Herc's fingers flexed. "He tore them all down after your brother died. He changed after that. He'd always been a focused, competitive kid, but he got fixated on being the best. Honestly, I was surprised we were Drift compatible, he was trying so hard to overcome me."

"You saying his attitude is my fault?"

Herc shook his head. "It's hard to lose your heroes. Yancy dead, you disappeared, and Jaegers falling… he was forced to grow up too fast, and I didn't have time to be a better parent to him."

"You loved him." Raleigh said. "He had to know that—can't hide in the Drift." He sighed, looking down at his own hands, folded in his lap. "My old man, he left. After Mom died. Just left me and Yancy and Jazmine and disappeared, like we were nothing to him. Never heard from him again, even after Yancy died. I don't know if he was dead or just didn't care." Raleigh glanced up at Herc, meeting his neutral gaze. "It messes you up, you know? Knowing someone would rather be anywhere but where you are. Especially when it's your dad. You were there for Chuck, no matter what. He had to know you loved him."

A grimace fleeted across Herc's face, only to be quickly replaced by a faint smile. "Thank you. I'm not so sure, but thank you for believing that." He rose abruptly, circling his desk to stand before Raleigh. "I never was much of a talker—I don't know why you're bringing it out in me."

Before he even recognized the urge, Raleigh had caught Herc's good hand again. "It's easier to talk to someone who understands, isn't it? Maybe we're more alike than you think."

Herc frowned at their joined hands, but it seemed more confused than displeased. "Why do you keep doing that?"

Raleigh blinked, then, to his own chagrin, flushed and dropped Herc's hand. "Sorry. I was always a tactile kid. Guess I never outgrew it. I didn't mean to bother you."

"It doesn't bother me." Herc paused, his expression so pensive that Raleigh couldn't bring himself to interrupt. "It doesn't bother me," he said again, slowly, as though dissecting each word. "But I don't know what you want from me, Raleigh."

"I've always respected you, sir," Raleigh said, weighing each word. "You're one of the best at what you do, and you don't give up. I don't know of anyone else who would've gone up against a kaiju with a flare gun. It's stupid, but I thought we had a connection, before Pitfall. I didn't get to say goodbye, and I regretted that." He inhaled, held it a beat, then exhaled slowly before looking up to meet Herc's eyes. "I promised myself something down there. Before Gipsy blew, I promised myself that, if I survived, I'd live my life the way I wanted."

Herc's brows had drawn together as Raleigh spoke, a faint frown pulling at his mouth. "You're not exactly answering the question."

"I want to see if there's something between us." Raleigh rose, and this time their roles were reversed: Raleigh crowding into Herc's space when Herc failed to give. "Hell, I don't even know if you like men. If not… well, that's fine. We can be friends, can't we?"

"I do." Herc's frown shifted, becoming a crooked smile. "Like men, that is; my last relationship before Angela was with a man. Sammie and I served together until he was transferred. Things sort of fell apart after that." He considered Raleigh for a long moment before shifting slowly to slide his good hand over Raleigh's hip, his smile spreading when Raleigh's breath caught. "Would you really be happy with just being friends?"

Raleigh wasn't a Ranger for nothing: he seized opportunity when it presented itself, and Herc had given him a large one. "If I had to be." He lifted a hand to trail his fingers over Herc's chin, savoring the tickle of beard against his fingertips, then moved to cup Herc's cheek. When blue eyes went heavy-lidded, Raleigh took the shot, leaning in to press their lips together.

He'd intended it as a chaste kiss, and for a long moment it was, a simple contact with restrained potential. He'd intended it as a chaste kiss, but then Herc had opened his mouth and his teeth had found Raleigh's lower lip, and restraint was no longer part of the equation.

How long they kissed, Raleigh didn't know. He only knew that when he finally tore his mouth away, his hands had somehow moved to card through Herc's hair, while Herc's had migrated to grip his ass, the muscles in his arm tight as he drew them together. Herc's soft growl went straight to Raleigh's balls, leaving him shuddering as Herc's mouth found his throat and set about leaving reminders.

It was shitty timing, at the very least. Herc was still reeling— _Raleigh_ was still reeling. Neither was likely to be thinking straight. But, as Herc's mouth trekked along Raleigh's jaw to catch his lips again, Raleigh couldn't make himself care enough to stop it.

* * *

 _What a mess_ , Raleigh thought as he collapsed in his chair, picking at a suspicious stain on his sweater. He felt rumpled, drained, absolutely destroyed and, leaning against the desk only a couple of feet away from him, Herc wasn't looking much better, with bite marks on his throat and scratches on his unslung arm, his pants still unbuttoned, and his henley wrinkled where Raleigh had fisted it. That was a particularly sweet memory, bringing with it echoes of the feel of Herc's hand down his pants, skin on skin in the best possible way, and Raleigh couldn't help but smile.

"You look chuffed," Herc said, even as the corners of his mouth lifted. "Proud of yourself, are you?"

"Hell, yeah." Raleigh stretched a leg out to prod Herc's with his foot. "I don't hear you complaining."

Herc chuckled, shaking his head. "Don't get cocky." He levered away from the desk to lean over Raleigh, good hand braced on a chair arm. "Before Pitfall—you weren't the only one who wanted to think we shared something. Bad timing then, but… you want to see where this goes?"

"Hell, yeah," Raleigh said again, pushing up the little bit necessary to steal a kiss.

They'd have their rough patches, Raleigh was sure; they both still carried so much grief, some fresher than the rest. But they were both still unbowed, able to stand, able to move forward. In time, they'd heal, bruises clearing, wounds closing. They'd weather the rough patches or they wouldn't, but they'd have all the time they needed to find out how they'd fit together. As he curled his hand around the back of Herc's neck and drew him in for yet another kiss, Raleigh looked forward to the future they'd create.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The actual day of Operation Pitfall is so rushed, at least in the movie 'verse. Within the time frame, it just didn't satisfy me to work in a Herc/Raleigh relationship, which is why I spun this out past it. Pitfall Day is where it all begins, though, in that short, lovely moment they share before everything goes to Hell.


End file.
